Anthem Of My Dying Day

last ever...

2005-07-18T03:43:30Z

ok...im done with this. i said i'd start it up again, but first of all: no one reads it anyway. and i have nothing to talk about now that monica's gone. yes, monica is gone for good. she died in a dirt biking accident last saturday. my life is shit now. whatever.

Starting Over

2005-06-29T06:34:40Z

I am completely starting over with this fuckin journal. The last time i posted something i think i was in the middle of trying to start over with monica. well...everything between us is PERFECT. we've been together since valentines day and i couldnt be happier with her. she means everything to me and i would never leave her. by the way...i have my drivers license now. and she does too, but we cant drive each other around yet legally. im not saying we dont, but we're not supposed to. but anyway, im tired so i think im gonna go to sleep tonight. i would also like to know how to erase all of my entries without having to delete them one by one. thats stupid.

Dream

2005-01-18T03:22:09Z

Friday night I had a dream about Monica. She was standing in the middle of nowhere and I went up to her and told her I missed her. She held my hand and told me she missed me too. Then we started making out for a long time and that's it. It was weird.

work in progress

2005-01-11T02:07:58Z

don't know how to break it off
been wanting to do this for so damn long
you're getting too much of him
and not enough of me
none of this makes any sense
why i can't i tell what's going on
it might make me wanna kill you
but at least i'll know the truth

can't stand you with him
can't stand you with me
don't know what to think
of us anymore
i don't want you back
but i'm not sure why

i see you around campus
we don't really talk anymore
i wanna say something to you
but always end up walking away
i can't control my feelings for you
but neither can you for him

can't stand you with me
can't stand you with him
don't know what to think
of us anymore
i still want you back
but i'm not sure why

can't find someone to replace you
i guess i'll never find anyone
just as good as you

can't stand you with him
can't stand you with me
don't know what to think
of us anymore
i don't want you back
but i'm not sure why

can't stand you with me
can't stand you with him
don't know what to think
of us anymore
i still want you back
but i'm not sure why

my 1st emo song

2005-01-11T02:06:36Z

cant sleep
need to get out
cant stand this place for another day
shut up
dont wanna stay
no more do this and do that
i dont care what you have to say

i know you dont understand
me anymore
but thats ok
i got friends that feel
the same way that i do (same way i do)

bang my head against a wall
cut myself some more
i need something new to
relieve this pain again

i know you dont understand
me anymore
but thats ok
i got friends that feel
the same way that i do (same way i do)

gettin on the road
need to get outta this town
need a place to go
i hope you still know
that i really do still need you

doesnt matter what i said
before all of this
i hope you know
that i still need you

i know you dont understand
me anymore
but thats ok
i got friends that feel
the same way that i do (same way i do)

Blue and Yellow

2005-01-11T00:29:21Z

and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste my time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste my time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

manoverbored @ 2005-01-04T22:11:00

2005-01-05T06:14:03Z

My mom is such a fucking bitch! For some reason she was in my fucking room looking at my fuckin' school shit and noticed that the homework that I had due today wasn't with me. I told her I did it during school and turned it in and that's exactly what I fucking did, but like my parents these days, she didn't fucking believe. What a fucking bitch. I need to get away from all this "don't do your homework and there will be consequences shit." This is fucking pissing me off. 3.0 or no license. shut the fuck up.

"Jaded (These Years)" by Mest

2005-01-04T03:54:37Z

There's a time and place, for everything.
There's a reason why, certain people meet.
There's a destination, for everyone.
What's the explanation, when we're done?

All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one's answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on what you said was wrong?

I'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years spent, so faded and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.

Now here i sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.

I'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless.
Not sorry, we'll never regret.
These years spent, so faded and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

We'll never forget the places we've been, you and i.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don't want to let time pass us by, byyyyyyy...

[Benji]
I'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years....
...spent, so faded and wreckless,
Not sorry, and I'll never regret...
I'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

Homework...What's that?

2005-01-04T03:47:59Z

I seriously need to start doing my homework. If I want to get my license, I need to have a 3.0. At the rate I'm going, I'll get like a 2.5 or something really shitty. It's not that I don't understand what we're doing, it's that I don't really fucking care about school and homework is boring. It's stupid and a complete waste of fucking time. Homework is the worst part of all. After being at school for about 10 hours, who wants to go home and spend another 3 hours doing more schoolwork. It's fucking pointless. I just need some motivation to get it done. My license should be enough to motivate me, but it isn't.

On another note, we changed seats in Bio. I get to sit next to Danielle now. That's pretty cool, but I think she kinda dying on me. I was talking to Monica and after school and started thinking about her again. God dammit. This is so fucking stupid. Why do girls always do this to guys? If anyone has an answer, please tell me. And who the fuck am I asking anyway? No one reads this shit.

manoverbored @ 2005-01-03T17:44:00

2005-01-04T01:43:31Z

Your...
x. name: Sean Asbury
x. birthplace: Livermore, California
x. birthday: January 2, 1989
x. school: Granada High School
x. grade: 10th
x. piercings: nope
x. tattoos: nope
x. height: 5 feet 9 inches
x. shoe size: 11
x. siblings: Erica, 29; Sharie, 27

Last...

x. movie you rented: Napoleon Dynamite
x. movie you bought: SLC Punk
x. song you listened to: Tiger Lily - Matchbook Romance
x. song you had stuck in your head: Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
x. song you've downloaded: Right Now - SR-71
x. person you've called: Nick
x. time you dyed your hair: 4 years ago
x. tv show you've watched: Real World/Road Rules Challenge

Do...

x. you have a bf or gf: nope
x. you have a crush on someone: yes
x. you think about suicide: no
x. others find you attractive: sure
x. you know more than one language: yeah
x. you want more piercings: I want one
x. you drink: no
x. you steal: no
x. you do drugs: no
x. you like cleaning: fuck no
x. you write in cursive or print: print

Choose one:

x. morning/night: Night
x. pool/jacuzzi: Jacuzzi
x. sunlight/moonlight: moonlight
x. blonde/brunette: blondes

Favorite...

x. fav food: pizza
x. color: black
x. number: 13
x. song: Yesterday's Feelings - The Used
x. movies: Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
x. bands/singers: Green Day, Matchbook Romance, The Used
x. holiday: Christmas

What...

x. shampoo do you use: Selsun Blue
x. cologne do you use: don't use cologne (it's a sign of weakness. lol)
x. are you scared of: being alone

Part 2

Spell your first name backwards: naes
Are you gay: no
Jewelry worn daily: nothing daily
Blanket: my comforter
Underwear: boxers
Shoes: Etnies
Handbag: no
Favorite top: Brown Hurley T-shirt
What you are wearing now: Blue Jeans and a grey Shorty's sweatshirt

Part 3

Parents married/divorced: Married
Who are your closest friends: Ryan, Taylor, Dillon, Nick
Who makes you laugh the most? Nick
Who knows the most about you? Nick/Ryan (close call)

OTHER STUFF ABOUT YOU :

Do you have a job: nope
Who's your role model: Bam Margera, Billie Joe Armstrong
Most interesting thing you've done this summer: nothing
What store do you shop at the most: Best Buy or Pacsun
Do you collect anything: nope

FAVORITES :

Day of the week: Friday
Things in your room: Bed, Computer, TV, CD Player, Bathroom, Closet, Ceiling Fan
Cousins: Katie, Scott, Lisa, Asha Aidan
Ice Cream: Dreyer's 50/50
Drink: Dr. Pepper
Thing to do: Video Games, go to movies
Favorite pizza topping: cheese w/ extra sauce
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: maybe married, maybe not
Dream house: haven't thought about it
What age do you want to get married: 25-30
How many kids do you want: 2 or 3
Girl's names: Danielle, Hilary
Boy's names: Jake, Dylan

HAVE YOU EVER :
Been in love? yes
Lied? yes
Cheated on a test? yes
Tied your shoes together? yes

SEX:

1st thing you notice about the opposite sex: eyes
What do you look for in the sex(es) you are sexually attracted to: sense of humor, compatibility

NIGHTY NITE :

What do you wear to bed: shirt and pants
The last thing you do before you fall asleep: Loveline
Would you rather be hot or cold: cold
What is your curfew: Don't have one

FRIENDS :

What is the best quality of a friend: Honesty
What friend do you have the most fun with: Ryan
Name your friends: What a stupid question

RANDOMNESS :

What are you addicted to? Sharpies, Hoods, and Music
Do you like jewelry? sure why not
What color tooth brush do you use? white and green

Part 4

I am: myself
I hear: music
I regret: not doing homework
I love: girls
I dance: dancing sucks
I sing: in the shower
I cry: at special times

yes or no...

you keep a diary: you're reading it
you like to cook: kinda
you believe in love: yeah

person you know...

the weirdest person you know: my parents
the loudest person you know: James
the sexiest person you know: Catherine

do you...

want to get married: yes
get motion sickness: no
like thunderstorms: yeah

favorites...

month: December
food: pizza
season: winter

preferences...

chocolate milk or hot chocolate: hot chocolate
milk, dark, white chocolate: milk

in the last 24 hours have you...

cried: no
helped someone: nope
bought something: yes
gotten sick: no
gone to the movies: no
gone out for dinner: no
written a real letter: no
talked to an ex: yes
missed an ex: yes
written in a journal: i think so

I'm...

I'm listening to: The Used
I'm reading: these questions
I'm burning: nada

Tomorrow's Gonna Suck

2005-01-03T05:00:49Z

School starts tomorrow. Something I've been looking forward to for two weeks. Yay. Back to reality now. Homework. Drama. Waking up early after going to bed late. Shit.

2 more years

2005-01-03T02:12:55Z

2 more years til I'm fucking 18. That's hella cool. I can move out or whatever. Probably won't end up moving out though because of money issues. I can never keep money longer than a couple of weeks. Oh well.

Christmas

2004-12-28T04:25:54Z

Cool things I got for Christmas:
20" TV/DVD Player
Half-Life 2
Madden '05
Seinfeld Seasons 1 and 2
Friends Season 1 (yeah, I'm a little behind with the season)
LOTR: Return of the King

My birthday is next Sunday. More stuff. That's always fun. I have to go back to school the day after that though, but I don't wanna think about that right now. I haven't played any HL today. What a sad thought. I might have to go play some pretty soon. I'm feeling kinda lazy though. I've been bored all day. Played some Madden. Watched some TV. Tried to go see Meet the Fockers again, but the line was really long and it was raining. I'm bored.

manoverbored @ 2004-12-21T22:34:00

2004-12-22T06:37:38Z

I haven't updated this shit in a while. I got back from SoCal sunday night. Disneyland was fucking packed on Friday. It was pretty crazy. No Space Mountain or Indiana Jones, that sucked. Played a lot of Halo 2 with my sisters' husbands. What a great game. I should be going down again in like 6 months or so to see my niece/nephew (not sure yet). That'll be fun. Ryan and I met Monica and some other friends at the movies to see finding neverland, but we left about 45 minutes into cuz they were fucking hyper and Ryan and I couldn't concentrate. Plus they were our ride home, so we kinda had to leave. I wanna go back and see it again 'cause the part that we saw was pretty good. I really fuckin' bord right now. Like always.

what a great way to start off winter break

2004-12-16T03:27:04Z

This year has been so fucking stupid. School sucks. My parents are too fucking strict with my fucking homework shit and now I can't get my fucking license until the fucking end of March and most likely it'll be even later than that. Because I missed another homework assignment, I have to do all of my fucking homework downstairs in the office with no "distractions" and I have to be out of bed, downstairs in the morning at 6:15 so I'm not "rushing" around trying to get ready for school. I never rush around. I give myself 20 minutes, which is enough for me, to get dressed, eat breakfast, and all that morning shit. I have enough time to fucking sit down and watch fucking TV for 5 minutes before I get picked up. I need to get away from my fucking parents. Holy shit they're annoying. I asked politely and calmly what getting up 10 minutes earlier has to do with getting my homewok done and my dad fucking starts yelling at me because they are both remotely similar when it comes to fuckin' "responsibility." LIFE SUCKS.

FUCK-O-METER: 10

Everything Seems So Empty

2004-12-14T06:31:35Z

I'm in a really bad mood right now. I want to be happy, but being sad has its appeals as well. Monica was giving me a funny look after school today. It was either, "why the fuck are you talking to me" or "i want you back." lol. Those seem like they would have completely different facial expressions, but I don't think so. I miss just talking to her on a regular basis and going to see movies and shit. As long as I got to be around her, but not necessarily going out with her, I think I'd be a lot more happy. I don't want to start Christmas break being all sad and depressed. That would fuckin' suck. Especially when I'm going to be in LA. I don't want to go to sleep tonight 'cause it always gives me time to think and feel sorry for myself and I hate fuckin' doing that. And why the fuck do I keeping writing in this fucking thing when no one fucking reads. It's so fuckin' stupid. What the fuck.

Fuck-o-Meter: 8

LP Or Bust

2004-12-10T06:19:32Z

Linkin Park was at Best Buy today doing a signing for their new book. It started at 5, so Ryan and I got their around 4/4:15, but I guess that was way too late. They only let 500 or so people in, and we weren't even close to getting in. Some of the employees said that people started lining up in the morning. I was pretty mad, but I'll get another chance someday to do this. Got a little buzz with a sharpie again at lunch. That was fun. I probably shouldn't be doing that, should I? Oh well.

Fuck-o-Meter: 0

manoverbored @ 2004-12-08T22:09:00

2004-12-09T06:18:18Z

One of the only good things that happened today was sniffing that fucking sharpie during A Midsummer Night's Dream. How fuckin' sad is that? It was a minimum day, so it should've been a good day. It wasn't too bad, but I could've felt a lot better. Once I got home though, everything started sinking again. Like it does every single fucking night. When I'm alone is when everything seems so fucked up. This fuckin' sucks. I've said this a few time, but don't think I ever really meant it until now. I'm finally begin to realize that NOTHING is EVER going to happen between monica and i. I don't why I keep thinking she still has feelings for me now that she has fucking mike. FUCK. My grades suck and if I keep screwin' up at school, I won't be able to get my fucking license and leave the house when I need to. Ending on a good note, pretty much the only other good thing today was being in Biology and being able to see Danielle. Didn't really talk to her, but at least we were in the vacinity of each other. This fuckin' sucks.

Fuck-o-Meter: 9

That's a lot of fucks. damn

LP on Thursday

2004-12-07T06:15:12Z

Linkin Park's gonna be a book signing at Best Buy on Thursday. I got my mom to take me and Ryan there. That'll be fuckin' sweet. I just got my Box Car Racer CD back. I forgot how fucking good this CD is. Brings back a lot of memories from Alameda. I' really bored so I'm gonna go do something. Take a shower probably and then most likely go to sleep. What great fun.

manoverbored @ 2004-12-04T15:05:00

2004-12-04T23:00:35Z

I hate this new fuckin' rule. Every fucking hiomework assignment I miss, I have to wait an extra week until I can get my driver's license. This is so fucking stupid.

manoverbored @ 2004-12-02T16:28:00

2004-12-03T00:22:22Z

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<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/J/Jai16/1099434196_cs10021598.jpg" border="0" alt="The Road Less Traveled"> B:<font size="2">You take the Road Less Traveled. Who
wants to go where everyone else has already gone anyway? You look for the hidden
paths, ones most don't see and don't care to venture down. You go boldly and
stand proud discontent with what's been put in front of you, determined to find
a way perfect for you even no one else will take it with you. You live as you
want and not for others, but be careful not become selfish. Others may need you
and you should be there for them, especially the ones close to you. You tend to
be the leader in most situations and people listen and trust you not lead them
astray. Your firm in your opinions and beliefs and unwilling to change yourself
to suit other people. By the same token, you can be stubborn to a fault, change
isn't always a bad thing you know. Everyone changes and grows, you shouldn't try
to stay exactly the same or you could be left behind. Then again, you may change
frequently. Some people change to fit in, you my little non-conformist, may
change to be set apart. It's great to be different, but it's also just as great
to have things in common with people, even if those people are in that "crowd"
you seem to have a vendetta against. Don't try to be different, just be who you
are, whoever that is and you'll be unique all on your own. So make some time for
people, let yourself blend into the crowd every once in awhile, you may just
learn something about them and yourself you never knew before. 
 <a href="http://quizilla.com/users/Jai16/quizzes/What%20Path%20Do%20You%20Take%20In%20Life%3F%20%5BX%5DFor%20Guys%20and%20Gals!%20Pics%20and%20Lengthy%20Results.%5BX%5D/"> What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]</a> brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a>

manoverbored @ 2004-12-01T21:44:00

2004-12-02T05:43:24Z

I had a fairly decent day. Nothing exciting or out of the ordinary except that danielle came up to me in bio and said hi and just kinda stood there like she wanted to say something. i tried to start a conversation, but then she left. it was sad. bowling sucked today. a 75 and a 97 or something. really fuckin' shitty. almost hit a car in the target parking lot trying to park in a really narrow parking space. lol. how pathetic. o well. im bored. thats enough for now. i might write more later. who knows.

fuck-o-meter: 1

why do these fuckin mood icons thingys only have like 3 different pictures. they all look the fucking same. whateve.

fuck-o-meter: 2

Forgot

2004-12-02T00:56:45Z

I forgot my...

...Fuck-o-Meter: 3

Moving...

2004-12-02T00:51:55Z

We moved seats today in Biology :( I'm farther away from Danielle now and in the fuckin' front. That's fucking stupid. I hate being in the front. You can't do anything wrong. It sucks. And your papers always have to be looked at 'cause the teacher is fucking right there. None of my friends are near me either. So stupid. Can't wait until we move again, if we even do move. I have two subs tomorrow and Friday though. That's a good thing. It's not like a PE sub does much anyway though. But in bio it'll be fun.

manoverbored @ 2004-11-30T18:21:00

2004-12-01T02:19:18Z

I had my hat on backwards and sideways in Biology today and Danielle said I looked cute with it like that. That made my day. Otherwise I had a fuckin' boring, normal day. We watched a movie about China and Japan during WWII in history and I fell alseep so I have no clue what was going on.

About to put ornaments on the fuckin' tree. That's a lotta fun (sarcasm). I'll be really bored, but oh well. Whatever.

Fuck-o-Meter: 2